How Lola Shaped My Values and Character

"You, really are your Lola's favorite," uttered my Tita Nilda in a family's casual conversation one Christmas vacation.

I do not like the idea of favoritism but I knew that what my tita said was true. For some reasons my maternal grandmother really loves me so much. Maybe because I look like her eldest daughter - my mother.

I have beautiful memories with Lola while growing up that somehow shaped my personality and character.

From her I learned the value of caring and loving for my family. In most of our conversations, she repeatedly told me to always be there for my siblings and family. Aside from my parents she's the one who taught me to value education.

When I was a child, and my Lola was younger, I always went with her to the market to sell Lolo's various harvest. I always loved the brewed coffee or hot chocolate and pansit that we shared at our favorite eatery in the market after we sold all our goods.

I was always excited to go with her because I knew that I can have my favorite brewed coffee or hot chocolate and pansit again. She also rewarded me with money, at times. That was how I learned that if we want something, we have to earn it.

Our childhood home in the province was just few meters away from that of my grandparents. Most of the times I spent the night with Lola at their home. While lying in bed, we talked about family, about Lolo, about their love story, about everything. I had always fallen asleep while she was stroking my head or my back. Looking back, I believe that was the main reason why I always wanted to sleep with her.

My Lola had always kept something for me. Whether it was my favorite fruits, candy or kakanin (native delicacies). I always had pasalubong from her every time she visit the house, to my joy and excitement. That was how she taught me the value of joy in giving.

I remember, when I was already in College, she always save something for me every time I went home for a vacation. What's amusing was she literally hide those little stuffs from my siblings and cousins. That's how Lola made me feel privileged.

Last Christmas vacation she gave me a star apple (kaymito). Star apple is one of my favorites. I think she kept that star apple only for me. Again. she didn't have any for my cousins or siblings who were there also. She really never changed, all those years

I never tasted the sweetness of that star apple, though. Someone from my cousins or siblings ate it when I left it on the table. Nevertheless, I will forever savor the sweetness of my Lola's special and simple ways of gestures of her love for me in my heart and soul.

Lola is my original number one fan. She never stop believing in my strength and capabilities. All my life I believe that I am good and strong because she made me feel that I am really good and strong through her words and actions. That was how she prepared me in the battlefields of life.

Lola is now 82. I know that my late Lolo had taken care of her very well because she aged gracefully without any sickness. But, she's not as stronger as before anymore.

We only see each other now every Christmas vacation. And, I miss her terribly. I miss sleeping with her. I miss her stories. I miss her loving gestures.

I can see the twinkles in her eyes every time that her children and grandchildren are around. I hope to see those eyes twinkling for many more Christmases.

Holy Week Reflections and the True Lasting Investments

During the Holy Week I was able to reflect on the different form of investments that also matter and can last a lifetime and even beyond, with great returns.

Apparently, we are in a hard and uncertain time. Many companies are closing down and thousand of people are receiving pink slip. Even the once stable companies are threatened to collapse as earnings continue to suffer.

In this hard time, people are looking for income-generating projects, rewarding investments, or additional jobs. In my case, I joined direct selling or networking and multi level marketing organizations. I also joined Real Estate Company as a part time agent. More importantly, I continue investing in my financial literacy.

In this difficult time, too, we need to look upon the most important investments that we must have.

People are now seeking for the answer on how to have a worry-free future, on how to have “financial peace of mind”, or how to survive a financial crisis.

I believe everything is possible with the Lord’s guidance. So, why not we invest in our relationship to God? When we "seek God first, everything will just follow." Our investment to God will surely give eternal returns to us.

It was observed that more people were going to church during the Holy Week. A priest commented that in this hard and uncertain time "more people are asking for guidance from the Lord."

No doubt, prayer is so powerful; it can stand any recession or the harshest economic storm.

Indeed, we cannot get along without God. William James – the father of modern psychology once said that, “We and God have business in each other. Faith is one of the forces by which we live and the total absence of it means collapse.”

Dr. Alexis Carrel – a physician and author of Man, the Unknown said, “Prayer is the most powerful form of energy one can generate. It is a force as real as terrestrial gravity. Prayer like radium is a source of luminous, self-generating energy. In prayer, human beings seek to augment their finite energy. When we pray, we link ourselves with the inexhaustible motion power that spins the universe. We pray that a part of this power be apportioned to our needs. Even in asking, our human deficiencies are filled and we arise strengthened and repaired. Whenever we address God in fervent prayer, we change both soul and body for the better. It could not happen that any man or woman could pray for a single moment without a result.”

The Lord already gave us his Son to save us. Clearly, suffering is not for us anymore. So, when the tough time comes and our resources are near exhausting we can turn to God and we will surely not feel alone and we will achieve a lifetime abundance here and eternal reward in heaven.

Our families are our best allies, no matter what. It is important that we also invest in our families - whether it is our time, money, lending ears, our moral support or just our mere presence in one of our family member’s lowliest time.

Every one of us can be a source of light, inspiration, strength and hope for our family. It is quite magical, but my siblings, my parents, my relatives, and, even my one-year old nephew has the power to give me constant, unending inspiration to achieve more goals.

Investment in our family relationship is truly rewarding and lasting. After all, when all else fail; our family will always be there for us – especially if we established solid relationships. And, I do not only mean biological family here. Our family can actually extend to our in laws, the in laws of our siblings or the cousins of our cousins.

Most of the times, simple comments from the people in our everyday living are more meaningful than the periodical rewards and recognitions, for it stay in the heart. Likewise, simple thank you when you gave just a word of advice and encouragement to a confused fellow is divine as it reaches the soul.

Another important, lasting investment is our relationship to our friends, co-workers and children.

We can establish great friendship with several people from all walks of life, gender, socio economic status, educational attainment, religious beliefs and principles. Anyway, in time of difficult period demographics is not important anymore as real friends will not disappoint us.

I was once at life’s receiving end and I counted so much to some great friends who did not leave me in my most trying time. Even a simple pat on the back or simple words “you can” became powerful and gave me a glitter of hope.

I am sure all of us have someone whom we consider great friend. The secret to having a great friend is being that great friend first.

We should also invest in our relationship with our co-workers. We spend eight hours or more with them almost everyday so it is just right that we establish a harmonious relationship with them to make our works easy. The key word here is Respect. We should have and give it. We have to acknowledge individual differences. A former boss once taught me “different folk, different talk.” I have already proven it to be true. We cannot give the same treatment to different people. Most of the times, we have to adjust to the personalities of our co-workers, superiors or subordinates, while also making them understand our own personality and differences.

Several years ago, I was silently overjoyed when I received an unexpected comment from a subordinate. She said, “ginusto ko talaga makasama ka sa project kasi gusto ko malaman kung bakit ganon na lang kalaki ang respeto ng mga supervisors at katrabaho natin sa’yo.”

Most of the times, simple comments from the people in our everyday living are more meaningful than the periodical rewards and recognitions, for it stay in the heart. Likewise, simple thank you when you gave just a word of advice and encouragement to a confused fellow is divine as it reaches the soul.

Lastly, I think the most important form of investment is in the life of a child – whether it is your own child, your nieces and nephews, your inaanaks, or every child you meet. Every child in our life will bear witness to our existence. They may even continue to carry our legacies.

Many years ago, I read this beautiful message written by an anonymous writer. The writer said, “Fifty years from now it will not matter what kind of car you drove, what kind of house you have lived in, how much you have in your bank account, or what your clothes look like, but the world maybe a little better because you were important in the life of a child.”

I celebrated the Easter Sunday with Eduard Thomas – my one year old nephew – my siblings, cousin, and my sister’s in laws at Pasig Rainforest Park and Resort. It was a great time to connect and reconnect.

The Lord Jesus has risen and blessed us. May we now be a blessing to others. Let us give freely to gain even more – in whatever form it may be.

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Why Frank (Part 2)

It has been three weeks, and her body is not yet found.

I was in the office when I received a sobering text message from my sister, two weeks ago. She texted, “kasama daw sis ni Kuya Lagz sa lumubog na barko.” I felt I lost all my energies.

For several days – before I received that message - I was monitoring the updates of MV Princess of the Star capsizing, silently offering my prayers and sympathy to the tragedy’s victims and their families. I never thought that someone close to my family was among the victims.

My brother in law could have been there, too. He was supposed to go with his sister to see their old, dying mother who doesn’t see them for decades.

I am just thankful that Kuya Lags – who is now working in Tagaytay – decided to went to Bicol first to visit his wife (my sister) and his children (my niece and nephew). So he was not able to go with his sister.

I know the great pain that he is suffering right now.

I perfectly understand the feeling of grief and lost that the families of the victims have right now for I feel it, too, somehow.

I know that there are no amounts of sympathy, compensation and condolences could ease the feeling of lost and grief of the families of the victims.

Kuya Lagz and his siblings lost a sister.

Kuya Lagz’s wife (my sister) lost a nice sister in law.

Kuya Lagz’s children (my niece and nephew) lost a kind aunt.

Kuya Lagz’s brother in law lost a wife.

Kuya Lagz’s nieces and nephews lost a mother.

Kuya Lagz’s old, dying mother lost a daughter.

I am losing my heart!

We are wondering what she did when the ship’s captain shouted, “Abandon ship!!!”

Is she still inside the capsized ship?

Did she belong to the many corpses that floated and reached Bicol shores and is now deeply buried in the ground? Or, is she still floating on the seas!?

Did she die of too much cold, fear, hunger?

We do not know.

It is more painful that we do not know.



My brother in law worriedly waited for the reports in the pier here in Manila while their relatives were among the many families who were also grievingly waiting for the Sulpicio Lines’ report in Cebu.

As I have said, it has been three weeks and her body is not yet found. How I wish that the Sulpicio Lines just cancel the trip on that tragic day.

Now, it is reported that the Sulpicio Lines is claiming that the disaster was an “act of god.” We may think of that way if only to relieve us of so much grief and great pain.

Laying Another Brick

I feel like I conquered a mountain.

The school year is almost over. I am having the feeling of bliss with the grandness of this triumph over this school year.

I am acting as the guardian of three college students: my brother – whom I considered as my first full time scholar; and my sister and cousin – both freshmen.

It is always a joy to retrieve the thrill and sweetness of this adventure of journeying with them.

I am not a neophyte in taking charge. I have lots of life experiences where I took the lead. But being a guardian to my own family is quite frightening.

I want to reflect and write the joys, fears, worries and grandeur of moments that mark in my memory and will live in my heart.

It just emerges in the ensuing silence tonight. Tonight that I am thinking of all the blessings I have. Tonight, that I am thanking the lord for making me his channel of love – at least and foremost – to my family.

Last April, I was overjoyed upon learning that my sister and cousin passed the entrance examinations of the universities that they applied for.

I was with them during their enrollment – sweating with them in the too long queue of freshmen students completing the enrollment process. We waited for our turn for three to four hours.

Boboy – my brother in law – even went with us. My cousin was not able to finish his enrollment in one day so we went back to the university the following day. Boboy went with us to take a post in the long queue of students for the medical exam results while my cousin and I were waiting for his turn for interview by the university’s dean of college of engineering.

While my cousin was filling up his registration form, he asked me, “Ate Bebe, ikaw na po ang ilalagay ko na guardian?”

“Huh?”

I was hesitant to say yes but, still, I said “o sige.”

I knew, with that came a big responsibility.

I can quite understand now the plight of parents in the business of bringing up a child. I cannot forget the worries and fears that I had when one of them was sick; when it was late and one of them was not yet around; when one of them was spending the night to a friend’s house; or, when one of them was on tour or field trip.

I shared with their happiness when they get a high score in their exams; when they accomplished an excellent report; or, when they passed a defense.

I spent a lot of time with them in solving the draining worded problems in Algebra and Physics; or, in getting the balance of the transactions in a certain journal entries.

It is not easy to act as a mother, a sister, an aunt, a tutor, a teacher and a friend to them.

What’s more difficult was rebuking them. I remember a time when my brother was only a freshman. He was invited to his classmate’s birthday party in Bulacan. He asked permission, alright. But he was not able to go home that night.

I was awake the whole night – worrying to death.

“Makikita talaga ng batang yan.”

“Lord, please take care of him.”

I was thinking of lots of punishments, for him, when he gets home while praying for his safety at the same time. And, when he got home, my anger was gone. I was just relieved and happy that he was safe.

But, I still gave him a punishment. I let him write repeatedly in five tablet papers – back to back – the words: “Di na ako makikitulog uli sa ibang bahay.” He is keeping those papers until now.

To encourage them to study hard, I launched a competition for the three of them. I recorded the scores of their quizzes and term exams. Those had equivalent points. Then, the points they earned had equivalent rewards. I gave the rewards last December – for the first semester. Ingkay got the highest points and so got the best reward.

I am thinking of more gimmicks next school year. I want them to excel, not only in academics but also in other aspects of life – of real living. I want to set their minds to becoming an entrepreneur or an investor. More importantly, I want them to really help themselves so that they can help others too.

I just laid another brick. I am willing to handle and lay more bricks – until I create a mountain of bricks.

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